Being Abused Shaped Me

Being abused shaped me.  It robbed me of my confidence, my self worth and my trust in the universe.

It leads me to give too much, to be a door mat, and easily be taken advantage of.  It leads me to want you to like me (in hopes you won't hurt me).  

Due to the abuse I have endured, I fear upsetting you.  I doubt my own strength.  I know no matter how strong I am, I can be rendered vulnerably paralyzed by fear.  

Due to being abused, I suffer long term PTSD as well as debilitating nervous system disorders.

I fear being afraid because I know it can lead to my being immobilized, petrified, incapable of struggling, yelling or escaping due to the reaction pattern deep in my nervous system that shuts me down, makes me mute and unable to move.

My whole life revolves around recovering from imposed imbalances of power, reframing and sorting out all the upsets regarding this painful dynamic, recognizing how it plays out in everyday life, as well as doing what I can do now to change and improve the end result and thrive.

I work on recovering from it all the time.  I aim to see and make the best out of these discrepancies of power.  I seek ways of healing from the imbalances between those with power who abuse it, and those who are intimidated and struggling to not remain controlled.

My aim is to grow beyond this discord and help others as well.