Put Downs, Insults and Name Calling

Here are some of the comments I never want to hear from someone I care about who seemed to love me:

"You're broken!"  

"What's wrong with you?!"  

"That never happened!"

"You're a Pitbull!" 

Perhaps you have some of your own least favorite disturbing comments.  How have you addressed this kind of insults or comments in your life?

Why are these comments hurtful?  

Name calling, put downs, and insult, are assertions of power that imply: 

"I am bigger and stronger and know better what is true than you do.  I am too much of a jerk to work with you cooperatively.  By not being kind to you now I am displaying I cannot be trusted to be kind to you in the future, and I like making you wonder to what extent of harm I will implement – I will have the power advantage for showing you I will harm to get what I want.  Therefore you will understand you are less than: weaker; less important; less valued...which will help you follow and submit to anything I want – If you don't (you understand) I will likely HURT you !"  

Putdowns and contradictions present an assumed inflicted authority above another, as does name calling.  They can create self doubt and degrade self esteem, which can lead to further abuse, due to a degraded ability to stop or prevent abuse.

Insults send me self checking, about my responsibility or flaws, that could degrade my worth in another's eyes.  I self check how I am broken, how I show up broken even if I am not, and how that is a problem for others.  Which preoccupies me in a spiral of shame and undeserving.

A person who worries about losing the affectionate graces of another is much more likely to self check or mind their own flaws than a self assured person.  Picking at or insulting another is a manipulative power munger tactic, it disempowers the one being picked on and allows the upper hand to be taken by the person delivering the insults.

Becoming grounded in myself, who I know myself to be including permission to be or get angry, and not fear indefinite banishment.  As well as understanding my deep desire to be loved and not rejected, helps me make better choices and not spend time with people who have trouble being careful or compassionate.